So who's a right slut then
Some women get off with lots more men, and have sex with them, than the national average. Why? Because they enjoy it. Does that make them sluts?
Anne Sexton, 14 Jun 2010
My friend Olivia doesn't approve of my behaviour. She thinks I'm a slut. Her word, not mine. The cause of her reproach is the fact that during my recent trip to South Africa I had sex with an ex-boyfriend. Not just any ex, mind, one of the big ones. Not the wisest thing to do, granted, given the possibility of emotional fallout, but seeing as we we're both single, hardly a crime.
"What were you hoping for?" she asked me.
"Nothing," I said. "He lives in South Africa, I live in Ireland. That's a pretty hopeless situation as far as I can see."
"Then why bother?"
"Pleasure, intimacy, connection. Does sex have to have a point other than sex?"
For Olivia the answer is yes. As far as she is concerned sex should be used in service of an end goal – to gain love or cement a relationship – otherwise it is both immoral and a waste of time.
In many ways it's strange that Olivia and I are as close as we are since our beliefs are so diametrically opposed. Not just about sex, about everything. She believes in the Bible and in astrology, pretty much antithetical beliefs in my mind, but as Walt Whitman noted a person can contain multitudes. She also believes in waiting for the "One' and so she frowns on my choices.
"What about that guy you were seeing?" she asked.
"That's over."
"Why?"
"It was a fling, now it's been flung."
She shot me a disapproving look. "So you were just using him?"
"I doubt he'd see it that way," I said, but the thing about Olivia is, she always makes me feel that I have to justify my behaviour.
Yes, my motivation had been largely sexual, at least initially, as I'd known from the get-go that the relationship, for want of a better word, had no real chance of blossoming into a great romance – if I have commitment issues, he has commitment allergies. I enjoyed his company, he was interesting, amusing, good-natured, considerate, and he made me laugh. When the time came to part, we did so without rancour or regrets.
I explained this to her and that's when she hit me with the s-bomb.
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