How Not to be Bad at Sex.
That might seem like a simple task. But when our correspondent does a bit of digging, she discovers that there’s a lot of people out there who have had close encounters of the distinctly off-putting variety. So what is it that makes for bad sex?
Anne Sexton, 04 Mar 2010
Julie knew she had to dump Patrick, but she just couldn’t face it. Problem number one was that Patrick was a sweet guy – he was kind, considerate and charming. He was not the kind of man you’d get rid of for no good reason, but Julie had an excellent reason and that was problem number two: the sex – it was bad. So bad, in fact, that the thought of letting him touch her again made Julie recoil in horror.
Bad sex – we’ve all been there. Even me. Like Julie’s Patrick, he was a nice guy – not selfish, inconsiderate or unwilling to attend to my needs, but for some reason I was unmoved by everything he tried. To make matters worse, he was a friend and although we had an intense emotional bond, it just didn’t translate into a sexual connection – at least for me.
A lover that leaves you frustrated, unfulfilled or just downright miserable is not one worth keeping around – life’s too short and our pleasures are too few and far between to willingly forego good sex. As Sex and the City’s Samantha Jones memorably said: “Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.”
But what exactly makes sex bad? Think about it – there may be hundreds of different techniques and positions, but most adults have a fairly good understanding of the basics. Part A fits into Part B – it’s easier than assembling a flat pack. Furthermore almost all of us want our partners to enjoy themselves, if only for our own sense of self-worth. So why does it sometimes go so horribly wrong?
For me, it was a case of “too niceness” – and shocking as it may sound, the person being too nice was me. I knew having sex with him was a mistake, but when someone you care about has decided he’s in love with you it seemed heartless not to try and overcome the nagging feeling that you would rather just be friends. Unfortunately if your head and heart are not engaged in a sexual experience, your body won’t be either.
For Julie the problem was harder to pin point.
“It’s like our bodies don’t fit together,” she said. “He keeps grinding his hips into mine. It doesn’t seem to matter what position we’re in, it’s painful, but not in a good way.”
Page 1/4 <Previous 1 2 3 4 Next>
©Hot Press 2011. Why be a member? | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy