I think my body is telling me something
She had been with him for months now and sex had always been good. So what could it mean when an orgasm eluded her? Was this, perhaps, the end of the affair?
Anne Sexton, 24 Apr 2009

Afterwards, lying in the bed, she wondered what she was doing there. She’d been having sex – but why with this man? Why not with someone else? In the proceeding months her feelings had changed from that hopeful enthusiasm, or romantic delusion, that accompanies the beginning of every relationship into something approximating indifference.
He shifted into the middle of the bed, flung out his leg and grunted in his sleep.
It had started a few weeks ago. She had cooked, he ate, neither of them drank the wine. An off-chance remark had resulted in an argument. It was a polite disagreement, as disagreements go – more of a heated discussion really. Not being a passionate lovers tiff, there had been no passionate make up afterwards.
It shouldn’t have mattered much, yet somehow it did.
The argument had fizzled out and the conversation turned to less contentious topics, but when they went to bed, he claimed, for the first time in their acquaintance, to be too tired for sex.
He could have gone home; instead he kissed her briefly, got into bed and turned his back – a very physical rejection.
She lay in the dark, unable to sleep, feeling foolish in her nakedness, wondering if she should have put on pyjamas, wondering what exactly had gone wrong.
She turned around and touched his shoulder. “I’m sorry about earlier. It was silly.”
He rolled over and kissed her. “Me too.”
His hands started roaming across her body, his mouth on her neck, her face, her breasts. Unable to resist his touch, she responded, but it was as if there was something missing. Her body and her mind wanted different things, and with this discord her pleasure was stilted and the possibility of orgasm slipped away into the ether. He came and that was it.
If he had noticed a difference, and surely he must have, he hadn’t said anything. When it was over, he chatted for a few minutes, put his arms around her and fell into the deep sleep of the satisfied, while she stared at the ceiling and wondered how two people could share such a small space and yet be so many miles apart.
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