The trouble with Johnny
They’re not the best looking bunch in the world. But what’s really off-putting about our political elite is the tosh they spout.
Sam Snort, 01 Mar 2007
Our politicians are a pretty useless lot. Actually, truth be faced, they’re mostly a not-so-pretty useless lot. Except, of course, for Lucious Liz and Mary Lou. You wouldn’t throw either one of that pair out of bed for eating crisps or issuing idiotic press releases.
But I digress, early. This week’s award for the most useless politician of them all has to go Fianna Gael’s chump in chief, Inda Kinny. In his most pathetic cry for electoral help yet, Inda has called for random drug testing in secondary schools. Not content with taking the piss, the man now wants to test it as well.
To paraphrase his old buddy, Mr. P. Floyd, Samuel J. Snort would like to lead the students of Ireland in a chant of, “Hey Inda – leave us kids alone.”
What the hell is the man thinking? Sam couldn’t have gotten through his schooldays without drugs. That’s why I’ve forgotten them so fondly.
We’d usually kick off the day with a massive joint of skunkweed behind the bicycle shed, which would generally be enough to get us through double maths on a Monday morning. Depending on the strength of the weed, a quick one-skinner in the jax would generally be sufficient for Irish class.
During break, we’d either top-up with a few stolen snifters of wine from the school church sacristy or drop some of Spud’s mother’s pills – usually Mandrax or Valium. These would usually carry us hazily through the middle period of the day.
After lunch, though, we’d change classes – moving smoothly from Class C to Class A drugs. A few lines of speed would generally keep you awake through the latter half of the day. Provided we stayed in school. Which we rarely did.
Of course, that was just in primary. By the time we hit secondary, we’d discovered poontang and, of course, that was the end of it. Still, it never did me any harm. Look at me now, Father Fuckwit! I’m Ireland’s greatest undying rock journalist.
(True, as you predicted, Spud passed away soon after his Leaving but he was always a mad cunt anyway.)
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