I Like A Bit Of Bondage

With EL James’ 50 Shades Of Grey selling by the truckload, it’s clear that there’s a big appetite out there for BDSM, and that women are indeed partial to it. Just don’t try giving me orders, says Anne Sexton.

Anne Sexton, 27 Aug 2012

“Harder.”

He complied.

“Now the other side and put some wrist into it.”

He smacked me again.

“I thought you didn’t do discipline?” he asked.

“I don’t,” I replied. “Which one of us is giving the orders here?”

In my experience, and I have met a few, doms seem to believe that through sheer force of will they will be able to exert authority over you, and this brings out my obstreperous and mischievous side. Perhaps I have yet to meet the right one, but that’s fine with me. Some people find pleasure in submission, but that’s not for me.

The dom may hold the key to the handcuffs, they may be the one who cracks the whip, they may have tied you up in ropes making any but the tiniest movements impossible, and all of this makes them forget that they are not the one in control.

In any consensual BDSM relationship, the slave has the choice to comply – or not – to domination, otherwise it becomes abuse, and most practitioners are extremely careful not to cross that line. The slave or sub has the safe word, the get-out clause, the ability to make the dom stop or continue – at least when it comes to sex. A good sub hides the fact that this is in essence nothing more than an elaborate role-playing game.

Once you bring the BDSM relationship outside the bedroom, then things get a little different. Here the sub really is submissive. The way you behave in public and in private is a reflection on the dom and a good sub is dedicated to making the master or mistress happy.

I questioned Liam about his experiences. He told me about the master/slave relationship he had with a friend. The relationship wasn’t sexual – or at least that’s what he claimed. Instead her role was to comply with his orders, no matter what these were.

“I made her squat on the floor for an hour,” he said.

“Why?” I wanted to know.

“To see if she obeyed.”

That Liam’s slave chose to comply, and to such a demand, was her business. I can only presume she got some pleasure out of doing so, but I can’t see it. To me it seemed pointless – not sexy,

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